Ivo-lution

Listening

We seem to expect relationships to be constant and consistent, which couldn’t be farther from reality. We fall in love and promise forever, never to imagine that it could be any different than it is in that moment. And no matter how many times we do this, with different people, at different times in our lives, it doesn’t cease to feel within grasp. We can love again and we can promise forever again, despite having lost in the game of love before. It comes down to the optimistic nature of people and also to the need for closure. It is fun to be hopeful and to dream of the future, but does trying to predict the future hold us from living in the moment. Why must we have certainty? Why can’t the openness of what lies ahead be invigorating, rather than frightening?

We should embrace the randomness of life. It doesn’t all make sense and it doesn’t because it isn’t supposed to. A guiding principle: “As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters. -Seneca” Forget the road that lies ahead and forget the road once traveled. All that matters is the road you are on currently because that is the only road you can change. I spent quite a long time wasting moments and forgetting how amazing life’s surprises can be. But what I’ve learned is that if you are not open to those surprises, you will miss them. It is not because they aren’t there that you aren’t experiencing them; it is because you aren’t listening.  Listen to individuals talk about their lives and their perceived failures and you will come to find that most people blame the bad periods of their lives on either people or locations. However, those people in our lives and geographic locations are only manifestations of negative thought and they are only empowered by one and only, you!

I was recently on a work trip to Florida and experienced something extremely profound, although rather small. It was an experience that was short, abrupt, and I could have easily missed it, but I was open. This was my first trip back to Florida since I moved to Arkansas in November of last year; I had spent the previous year and a half working in Tampa, FL and it was one of the most challenging periods of my life. It was filled with a great amount of self-reflection and doubt, and I had a lot of unresolved questions about the choices I made, personally, for my career. I focused constantly on the people I had lost, rather the ones that I had gained. I focused on the life I had given up for the one that I had the opportunity to build. And I blamed a lot of those negative emotions and state of mind on my environment. Florida became ironic; a vacation paradise where I couldn’t find happiness. That is how I saw it then. How I see it now? A place I learned a great deal about myself and of the importance of people in my life.

 She was a stranger from Chicago, on vacation alone because she had the time and the desire; someone not reliant on the willingness of others to make her decisions. It happened fast and it was abrupt, but it was enlightening and refreshing. As we walked along the sand I couldn’t stop from thinking about when I was going to make my move. How I would pull her close and kiss her lips; how she would react and if I was reading her signals correctly. I was pretty certain, but I have been wrong before. At the same time I was thinking about the dinner plans I had made with friends and what the chances were of this actually happening in the time I had left. And then it caught me. She was talking about how children have this wonderful, and innate, ability to bask in the moment. They can play for hours and be so happy, without a thought in the world about yesterday or tomorrow. She added how beautiful a quality it was and how as we get older we lose that ability. We instead become so weighed down by our self-imposed deadlines and responsibilities that we forget to cherish the wonderful moments in front of us. I stop, and I laugh, because this woman has just said exactly what I needed to hear, at exactly the moment I needed to hear it. And I was listening. We did eventually kiss, as we admired the stars in the deep blue sky and the tranquility of the beach; as we shared language translations, she in Polish and I in Portuguese. I tell her she is beautiful in Portuguese and she smiles; I come to understand the power of foreign language. In that moment it was as if we had known each other for a long time. We were linked in, at least for the moment.

The point here is that this experience had no continuation. We shared a powerful connection for an afternoon and it was over. It didn’t need to go further and we could smile about life’s small surprises that catch us when we least expect them…when we are listening.